I'll Call it Love for Now.

My friend SS, when she found out that I had yet to kiss AJ, she was suprised. We had been going out for a little more than two weeks, and hadn't kissed? She asked me how did I really know if I liked him without kissing him first. And honestly, it had never crossed my mind to kiss him to figure out if I liked him at all. I thought our pace was perfectly fine.

Then yesturday happened.

*Que dramatic music*

I got on the bus, with no thoughts that this would be an important day. Me and TD. TD didn't have and exam today but was helping out with the grade 8 auditions. I had my exam at 12:30, but got there early because I wanted to see AJ. I saw AJ in the morning then dropped him off to his exam which started at 8:15.

He finished around 10:00, and we chilled until my exam. He dropped me off, and I hugged him and then left. He pulled me back said hugged me again with saying "I love you" and I guess I was caught off guard, I don't even remember what I did, but I most definitely didn't say it back. Throughout my exam, I kept on thinking of how stupid I was. He must feel stupid.

AJ picked me up from my exam though, which finished at 2:00. We went to his locker and than mine. He told me we were going to meet his friend down the hall, and honestly even realize anything suspicious.

He kidnapped me. LOL. He took me down the hall, into this space between a door. He was making me guess what he wanted, I knew what he wanted. I just couldn't bring myself to say it.

He wanted a kiss.
His first kiss.
My first kiss with him.

And we kissed.

Wasn't the best, a little sloppy, but he said for valentine's day he wanted me to teach him how to kiss. I said I didn't know how to kiss...Which is true, I think I totally suck xD But I'm against trying it again with him.

Monday, Hopfully we'll try everything again. Since he's kissed me, I can't seem to get him out of my mind. Which is a good thing. I believe I might be falling for him now.

Do I love you?

Do I love you?

I'm not sure

You confused me.

When you said it first.

After two weeks.

After four months.

Would if make a difference if we met before?

THE RUNDOWN

So. I knew it, in the back of my mind, I knew that he would think he loved me if I said it. So I said it, and he told me those three words. I love you.

I hope I can learn to love him back.

If I could clue in Everything Before

If I could know the blueprints of our lives
And see if they ever intertwined,
I wouldn’t have to doubt
If holding hands is even right
I wouldn’t have to pretend that I know how to like
That I know how to love
Because I would see
My life planned out right in front of me
Maybe there is an us
Walking together, sharing secrets
And the thought of being forever
But maybe there’s not
Maybe I’m not meant to steal your first kiss
Be your first girl
Be your first love
Maybe its just all made up in your head
Now I don’t know how long
I’m going to have to walk this heavy walk
Because I’ve committed to being with you
And I’m so confused
‘Cause I can’t tell, If this is right
Or if I’m just trying not to hurt your feelings
Yes, you’re on my mind
Almost all the time
But I forgot how to live
I never knew how to love
All I can ask is give me time
But I don’t know if I’m doing this right
Because sometimes I think
I’m walking into a story not written for me
A story in where, another girl stands where I am
And she’s not confused
She knows what she wants
She wants you
While I’m not suppose to even make an appearance

The RunDown

Last Friday, AJ* asked me to be his girlfriend, and I agreed, not knowing what other options I could have taken. I’m confused. I’m not sure how I know if like someone any longer, I don’t know if it’s because I’m bored with this whole dating scene, or if its because of JA. I doubt it is because of him because I don’t think I longer possess any feelings for him.

I really want to like AJ but I’m not sure I know how to! I know it might sound stupid but for some reason I tend to make life harder than it actually is. Half of its because I think he’s suppose to belong with MQ, they just don’t know it yet and in the end I know I’m going to be thrown away like tossed garbage because I’m trying to enter a story that I’m not suppose to be in.
Oh whhyy do I get myself into complicated situations!

When everyone discovered we were dating, they were surprised, never saw it coming. I could see why. We never really showed much interest in each other at school. But now everything is cool. He holds my hand. He’s really sweet. I’m afraid to hurt his feelings.

*Not their real names! well kinda, its their intials