If I could clue in Everything Before

If I could know the blueprints of our lives
And see if they ever intertwined,
I wouldn’t have to doubt
If holding hands is even right
I wouldn’t have to pretend that I know how to like
That I know how to love
Because I would see
My life planned out right in front of me
Maybe there is an us
Walking together, sharing secrets
And the thought of being forever
But maybe there’s not
Maybe I’m not meant to steal your first kiss
Be your first girl
Be your first love
Maybe its just all made up in your head
Now I don’t know how long
I’m going to have to walk this heavy walk
Because I’ve committed to being with you
And I’m so confused
‘Cause I can’t tell, If this is right
Or if I’m just trying not to hurt your feelings
Yes, you’re on my mind
Almost all the time
But I forgot how to live
I never knew how to love
All I can ask is give me time
But I don’t know if I’m doing this right
Because sometimes I think
I’m walking into a story not written for me
A story in where, another girl stands where I am
And she’s not confused
She knows what she wants
She wants you
While I’m not suppose to even make an appearance

The RunDown

Last Friday, AJ* asked me to be his girlfriend, and I agreed, not knowing what other options I could have taken. I’m confused. I’m not sure how I know if like someone any longer, I don’t know if it’s because I’m bored with this whole dating scene, or if its because of JA. I doubt it is because of him because I don’t think I longer possess any feelings for him.

I really want to like AJ but I’m not sure I know how to! I know it might sound stupid but for some reason I tend to make life harder than it actually is. Half of its because I think he’s suppose to belong with MQ, they just don’t know it yet and in the end I know I’m going to be thrown away like tossed garbage because I’m trying to enter a story that I’m not suppose to be in.
Oh whhyy do I get myself into complicated situations!

When everyone discovered we were dating, they were surprised, never saw it coming. I could see why. We never really showed much interest in each other at school. But now everything is cool. He holds my hand. He’s really sweet. I’m afraid to hurt his feelings.

*Not their real names! well kinda, its their intials